Trade-offs and Triumphs 23 by @jennykim
Issue 23: Blank Canvas but Mistakes, or The Stories That Hold Us Back; Reflecting Forward and Unmuting; Who We Are Now USA; Closing Thought: “We are not what we were”
Hello, friends! Thank you to my 127 subscribers and welcome to my new subscribers!
Welcome to issue 23 of Trade-offs and Triumphs - a newsletter of resources and thoughts about how to balance trade-offs in life to find and celebrate the small triumph; every decision point requires thinking through trade-offs and not just immediately aiming for what seems to be the “solution.”
How was your week? What were your trade-offs and triumphs?
Happy New Year! I hope that you shared some down time for rest and self-reflection.
Welcome to 2021, and perhaps a blank canvas with few to no mistakes made… yet.
✨What are you planning for your blank canvas? ✨What will unmute you in 2021?
This week we will hit on:
Blank Canvas but Mistakes, or The Stories That Hold Us Back
Reflecting Forward and Unmuting
Who We Are Now
Closing Thought: “We are not what we were”
For a quick oral summary of Issue 23, hit ▶️ below:
Blank Canvas but Mistakes, or The Stories That Hold Us Back
"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
"I'll warrant you'll make plenty in it," said Marilla. "I never saw your beat for making mistakes, Anne."
"Yes, and well I know it," admitted Anne mournfully. "But have you ever noticed one encouraging thing about me, Marilla? I never make the same mistake twice."
"I don't know as that's much benefit when you're always making new ones."
"Oh, don't you see, Marilla? There must be a limit to the mistakes one person can make, and when I get to the end of them, then I'll be through with them. That's a very comforting thought."
As I think about what to place on my blank canvas that is 2021, the above dialogue between Anne Shirley, and her guardian, Marilla Cuthbert, struck a chord. My mother still lectures me about mistakes and failures, especially when I have not met her exacting standards when it comes to housekeeping:
Stories that hold us back: Mistakes and Failures
Thanks to my mother, I have always been terrified of making mistakes and failing. She is your typical well-meaning tiger mother - even a perfect score on an exam was not sufficient. Why did I not get a better score? So I used my mistakes and failures to learn more, memorize more, and to achieve the best scores that I could on exams.
But our mistakes and failures define and hone us. They are the stories that propel us but also hold us back. They hone our abilities to assess trade-offs and enable us to make the best decision based on what we know amidst the fog of competing priorities.
Amidst that fog of competing priorities, we tend to bury our stories deep within the recesses of our minds and hearts as we cross one more thing off the “to-do” list.
This year, I have decided that my blank canvas needs to include a review of the stories that propel and hinder me.
The How: Finding the Stories
In December, I started to experiment with StoryWatch. Before I could figure out and implement what the next five to twenty years would look like, I must assess my stories that propelled but also held me back.
Like all creatures, I want to be safe, but does that feeling of safety actually help me grow? I want certainty, but does that even exist and should it?
Each week, to seek clarity, I will focus on intentionally:
✍ Building and reinforcing habits that contribute to strong physical, mental, and spiritual states
✍ Recording the stories at key inflection points - what am I feeling? why? what will I do about these feelings?
✍ Exercising my “courage muscle” and occasionally jump off that proverbial cliff and try something new that I will be terrible at (even housekeeping) (last year, it meant that I participated in Minimum Viable Video)
✍ Expressing gratitude for the foundational people in my life who tell me the truth even when it hurts
As I log my habits, stories, and fears, I will keep in mind what Patricia Mou recommended in her most recent issue of Wellness Wisdom to ensure that this becomes a lifelong process:
Focus on building disciplined habits instead. Get specific in what “discipline” will look like for your specific goal. Schedule it in your calendar.
Stick it out for 2 months:
It takes 21 days for a new habit to form.
66 days for that behavior to become automatic.
Because I know that I probably will not do a deep-dive annual review - so for me, I need to do periodic reviews to keep me on track.
And cheers 👏 to committing lots of mistakes and experiencing profitable failure.
Reflecting Forward and Unmuting
Putting aside discipline and consistently practicing StoryWatch, to be effective at identifying the stories that hold me back, I also need to “unmute” myself.
Steve Scott asks “What keeps you muted?”
Reflecting backward is an easier task than reflecting forward. Often, we mute ourselves because we do not want to process past hurts or face ugly realities about ourselves.
But how many years will you allow to slip by in a trance before it is too late?
Regrets are too late.
Who We Are Now USA
Speaking of “unmuting,” last year, I wrote about my friend Michelle Fishburne’s venture, Who We Are Now, and her RV journey across America as she creates a contemporaneous oral history of Americans during 2020-2021. Michelle is a leader and go-getter, and captures a variety of stories about ordinary Americans who are putting one foot in front of another during this extraordinary time. Ordinary Americans who are living, striving to pull the pieces together and keep on trucking, even when the odds seem against them.
The experience has been unique for each person. Restaurant owners, musicians, medical workers, homeless people, yoga instructors, hairstylists, teachers. The list goes on infinitely. For each, the trade-offs and the stakes are different - for some it only requires minor sacrifices, but for others, it means the difference between life and death.
Michelle’s work has been covered by North Carolina affiliate ABC11 Eyewitness News - WTVD:
What are the stories that propel Americans forward? What are the stories that hold them back? What are the trade-offs that they had to make to ensure that their families, loved ones, and communities could survive and thrive?
And why did these Americans decide to “unmute” themselves and share their oral histories with Michelle?
Follow Who We Are Now USA on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
Don’t forget to follow Michelle Fishburne on LinkedIn as she shares new stories and updates existing ones.
If you know of anyone that Michelle should interview in any place across the United States, please contact her on LinkedIn or via Who We Are Now USA "Contact Us” form.
Closing Thought: “We Are Not What We Were”
Please leave me your questions or thoughts in the Comments section below 👇👇👇
You can also:
DM on Twitter @jennykim or
Email me at jennykimwop@gmail.com
Be conscious of your trade-offs. Before settling on any one “solution,” run your fingers through all the trade-offs and decide intentionally and specifically.
And then celebrate your triumphs, no matter how small.
See you next week!